Once Upon a Time....

...I had a picture perfect life.  A life I had dreamed of all my days in my childhood.  All the days of my young adult life and of my not so young life.

A marriage I loved, a house I made into an amazing comfortable home, and one and then two children.

Once upon a long ago.

And I miss it more than I can say.

It was snatched away in the blink of an eye, in the beat of a heart, with just two innocent sounding words if they were said in their own but together?  Together it shattered everything.

Since then it seems I have made one wrong move after the other after the other after the other.

I'm not sure I will ever get it right.

Is it karma?  What is it?  What did I do to go from the family and life I always dreamed of to........well.....this.

Getting Ready to Say Goodbye

I wrote this in response to a moms post on Facebook about her daughter renting an apartment and probably not coming home next summer.  The thought of my children getting older and moving closer and closer to their moving away time makes me so sad.  I'm not looking forward to it at all and yet...ready or not, each day brings us one step closer.

This is what I wrote:

It is oh so hard to know this is quickly approaching and soon, I will be the mom standing on the edge as my baby bird takes his wobbly steps into life without me.  My heart hurts in anticipation and I already fear I won't be able to do it with grace and a brave face and heart.

The hardest part is that we have raised them from teeny tiny helpless infants to the truly amazing young adults we see standing in front of us.  We made it through the tough years when they yearned for freedom from us and some days we would have happily dropped them off somewhere.... anywhere... because we couldn't take another minute of their teenage angst.  However...some where along the line they grew and changed and became these people that we enjoyed being around, hanging out with.  We couldn't believe our good fortune!  The surly teens they were suddenly changed into people we wanted to be around, wanted to spend time with...only.....it was time to say goodbye.

That never felt fair to me.  After all the hard work of raising them.  All the blood, sweat and tears we shed for them.  The days we worried with them, and for them over tests, grades, driving, and friends.  Somehow, in the blink of an eye, it turn into goodbye hugs that you never want to end, phone calls you never want to hang up from, counting down the days until we can see their beautiful faces.  We gave everything we had in us so we could raise people who will move into the world and make it theirs.  They are ready to fly but...but..but.....they are people we finally want to just sit and talk with, dream of the future with, and hang out with.  Except....it's time to let them go.  It's their turn to take to the skies and soar higher than we ever dreamed possible.

We did that!  We DID that!!  We created a human being.  We did our best and raised them as best we could.

All that's left now is to watch their new lives unfold, knowing we gave them the best we had to give them.  And we pray it's enough.